Max Kuroiwa

Mr. Pangier

A1 Lit

 

 

 

Formal comparison of Karin

 

Getting lost in your own writing is a common problem faced by writers. It is fairly easy to lose track of the logic and the details in the story as the writer progresses deeper into his/her writing. Karin Ima’s short story of Beowulf is a good example of this. Although having great imagery and insightful ideas, her writing lacked the logic and the details that was suppose to be the backbone of her message. By adding the lost elements and revising the mistakes and errors, her story became clear and logical.  

 

Logic is probably the most important element in one's writing. Without logic the writing simply does not make sense. In Karins case she confuses the reader by the lack of description of why the problem emerged,  what did the protagonist do and how the problem was resolved. For example this sentence, “Beowulf's youth was still the beginning of his journey. Still yet to become a hero and to hear of danger, he was willing to help. He was willing to sacrifice” (Karin). The reader might get the general idea but it still does not make sense which causes questions to emerge. Questions such as, why is Beowulf's youth a beginning of a journey? What is the journey and what is Beowulf trying to achieve from the journey? Also another example of this is when Karin talks about how Beowulf cherished his glories in the first part of her paragraph. “He boasts and shares his vigorous stories. He tells the tale of his glorious deeds” (Karin). And then states the opposite where glory was never his goal in the end. “Glory was never his main goal” (Karin). Small logical mistakes such as these can turn any good writings into a unconvincing story.

 

 

Tied to logic, details are the backbone of any writing. Without detail the reader does not have a clear image of the message or the idea that the author is trying to tell. Although Karin incorporated great imagery, she lacked some detail in her story which made things unclear and lead to some logical mistakes as I mentioned before. For example Karin did not mention the reason why Beowulf traveled to Herot which can confuse readers or simply make them wonder what on earth Beowulf was up to. Another good example is the description of Grendel. Karin gave no description of who Grendel was. Without reading the actual book the reader will have no idea who or what Grendel is and why he was slaughtered by Beowulf. “Enduring pain like no other as he says, Beowulf asks for approval to stand alone against Grendel” (Karin). The lack of detail can leave the readers unsatisfied therefore making the piece look poorly written.

 

 

 

Kuroiwa 2

 

 

By revising the problems mentioned above, Karin's story of Beowulf became much more clear, logical and descriptive. First of all I revised the logical errors that Karin had. By stating the main goals of Beowulf and the problems he faced, the reader gets a clear view of the topic and the general message of the story. For example Karin states that Beowulf wanted glory at first, but in the end of the story she states that glory was not Beowulf's goal. Now this confuses the readers, but what she meant to say is “ Finally acquiring the wisdom that he lacked in his youth made Beowulf see that true heroes fight for their beliefs and the benefit of others and not for their own glory's sake” (Max). Another aspect of revising Karin's work was the process of adding information to support the logic. By explaining the reasons and the characters, it makes it easier for the readers to follow along to the story. For example the slightest explanation of what Grendel is and why he is a problem can be a useful guidance for the readers. “When a news of an monster that has been terrorizing the village of Herot reached Beowulf, he did not miss this opportunity”(Max).     

 

 

Karin Ima`s story of Beowulf became clear and logical by adding simple logic and additional details. Although Karin had a great point she struggled to get her message across to the reader. But this can be quite common among writers for it is easy to get carried away with something and go off topic. But with the help of another fresh mind, these mistakes can be easily avoided. By revising her work and understanding her perspective, I was able to learn from both her mistakes and thoughts which developed my mindset and enabled me to become a better learner. After all life is all about learning from others and improving your intellect to become a better human being.