Changes

 

As a writer one should elicit their thought and help to influence others. When reading, even though one may seem to be wiser and better, they should not read and edit such work with supercilious manner. We were given the assignment to refine a students work, and so I was given the task to refine Alex Togashi's work. Personally, I believe this to be somewhat dilatory due to how well this is already written.

 

Alex's work is very precise with his words, and makes it flow very well, much like a well functioning stream. He is not jumping or chopping with his paragraphs. He also has good use of figurative language such as personification, metaphors and similes. I admire how he compensates for the lack of character development in the story. He recalls previous events prior to the interaction of the Dragon to help set up the character's importance. With this, he is thinking outside the box, which as a reader, it is clear to see.

 

Other than some grammar fixes, and some adding sentences, the biggest change would have to be the quotes. This essay is abound with quotes, yet it was not present in the essay itself. When seeing the quotes separate from the writing, I was perturbed by this aspect fore I haven’t seen this in a while. I decided to apply the quotes to help solidify his point about the importance of the character he has chosen. This will further influence the reader as well as solidify Alex's credit as a writer. One may think that their words are enough, but it is never bad to have some proof of that.

 

From this process, I have found this most interesting. The refining process felt somewhat like plagiarism, while giving the original writer credit. It is more of not getting out your own words, but helping to clear up and amplify the voice of the writer's original statement. So what I have taken out of this is, that one should have others help to make ones work better. This way, at least somebody understands or gets the message you are trying to give or the statement that you are proclaiming. Many writers have this issue, but what HIS does well, and from what I see is, that we are all helping each other. With this kind of teamwork, it can translate into better cooperations, as well as a (this might sound cliche) better world.